• Domestic Violence Escape Kit

Pack a survival kit.
o Money for cab fare
o A change of clothes
o Extra house and car keys
o Birth certificates
o Driver’s license or passport
o Medications and copies of prescriptions
o Insurance information
o Checkbook
o Credit cards
o Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders
o Address books
o Valuable jewelry
o Papers that show jointly owned assets
Conceal it in the home or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. Important papers can also be left in a bank deposit box.
Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture, Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook
Know your abuser’s red flags. Be on alert for signs and clues that your abuser is getting upset and may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons you can use to leave the house (both during the day and at night) if you sense trouble brewing.
• Identify safe areas of the house. Know where to go if your abuser attacks or an argument starts. Avoid small, enclosed spaces without exits (such as closets or bathrooms) or rooms with weapons (such as the kitchen). If possible, head for a room with a phone and an outside door or window.
• Be prepared to leave at a moment’s notice. Keep the car fueled up and facing the driveway exit, with the driver’s door unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place (at a friend’s house, for example).
• Practice escaping quickly and safely. Rehearse your escape plan so you know exactly what to do if under attack from your abuser. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan also.
• Come up with a code word. Establish a word, phrase, or signal you can use to let your children, friends, neighbors, or co-workers know that you’re in danger and the police should be called.
• Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask several trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. Memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline.
• Keep change and cash on you at all times. Know where the nearest public phone is located, and have change available so you can use it in an emergency situation to call for help. Also try to keep cash on hand for cab fare.
Additionally, to keep yourself safe from domestic abuse and violence you should document all abuse. If you’ve been injured, take photographs. If you have been abused in front of others, ask witnesses to write down what they saw. Finally, don’t hesitate to call the police if your abuser has hurt you or broken the law. Contact the police even if you just think your abuser might have broken a law. Assaulting you, stealing from you, and destroying your property are all crimes.
Protecting Your Children From Domestic Violence and Abuse
How to make your children safer:
• Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help.
• Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give your address and phone number to the police.
• Teach them who to call for help.
• Tell them to stay out of the kitchen.
• Give school officials a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser.
• Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser.
• Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to anyone.
Source: American Bar Association
Leaving an abusive relationship safely
You may be afraid to leave out of fear that your partner will retaliate if they find out. However, there are precautions you can take to stay safe as you seek help.
Seeking help by phone
Protecting Yourself From Domestic Violence
Phone Safety Tips
When seeking help for domestic violence, call from a public pay phone or another phone outside the house, using one of the following payment methods:
• A prepaid phone card
• A friend’s telephone charge card
• Coins
• A collect call
When you seek help by phone, use a corded phone if possible, rather than a cordless phone or cell phone. A corded phone is more private, and less easy to tap.
Remember that if you use your own home phone or telephone charge card, the phone numbers that you call will be listed on the monthly bill that is sent to your home.
Even if you’ve already left by the time the bill arrives, your abuser may be able to track you down by the phone numbers you’ve called for help.
You can call 911 for free on most public phones, so know where the closest one is in case of emergency. Some domestic violence shelters offer free cell phones to battered women. Call your local hotline to find out more.
Seeking help online
If you seek help online, you are safest if you use a computer outside of your home. You can use a computer at a domestic violence shelter or agency, at work, at a friend’s house, at a library, or at a community center.
It is almost impossible to clear a computer of all evidence of the websites that you have visited, unless you know a lot about Internet browsers and about your own computer. Also be careful when sending email, as your abuser may know how to access your account. See the Women's law.org article on Internet Security for instructions for covering your online tracks and email history, but be wary of leaving traces that your abuser might find.
Protecting your privacy at a domestic violence shelter
If you go to a domestic violence shelter or women’s refuge, you do not have to give identifying information about yourself, even if asked. While shelters take many measures to protect the women they house, giving a false name may help keep your abuser from finding you (particularly if you live in a small town).
Restraining orders
You may want to consider getting a restraining order or protective order against your abusive partner. However, remember that the police can enforce a restraining order only if someone violates it, and then only if someone reports the violation. This means that you must be endangered in some way for the police to step in!
If you are the victim of stalking or abuse, you need to carefully research how restraining orders are enforced in your neighborhood. Find out if the abuser will just be given a citation or if they will actually be taken to jail. If the police simply talk to the violator or give a citation, your abuser may reason that the police will do nothing and feel empowered to pursue you further. Or your abuser may become angry and retaliate.
Do not feel falsely secure with a restraining order!
You are not necessarily safe if you have a restraining order or protection order. The stalker or abuser may ignore it, and the police may do nothing to enforce it. To learn about restraining orders in your area, call 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or contact your state's Domestic Violence Coalition.
Domestic violence shelters
Locate a Women’s Shelter:
Click here for a state-by-state directory of domestic violence shelters.
A domestic violence shelter or women’s shelter is a building or set of apartments where victims of domestic violence can go to seek refuge from their abusers. The location of the shelter is kept confidential in order to keep your abuser from finding you.
The domestic violence shelter will provide for all your basic living needs, including food and child care. Shelters generally have room for both mothers and their children. The length of time you can stay at the shelter is limited, but most shelters also help victims find permanent homes, jobs, and other things they need to start a new life.
Staying safe after you’ve left
Keeping yourself safe from your abuser is just as important after you’ve left. To do so, you may need to relocate so your former partner can’t find you. If you have children, they may need to switch schools.
To keep your new location a secret:
• Get an unlisted phone number.
• Use a post office box rather than your home address.
• Apply to your state’s address confidentiality program, a service that confidentially forwards your mail to your home.
• Cancel your old bank accounts and credit cards, especially if you shared them with your abuser. When you open new accounts, be sure to use a different bank.
If you’re remaining in the same area, change up your routine. Take a new route to work, avoid places where your abuser might think to locate you, change any appointments he knows about, and find new places to shop and run errands. You should also keep a cell phone on you at all times and be ready to call 911 if you spot your former abuser. You can also learn self-defense to protect yourself.
Dealing with the trauma of domestic abuse
The scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma of what you’ve been through can stay with you long after you’ve escaped the abusive situation. Counseling, therapy, and support groups for domestic abuse survivors can help you process what you’ve been through and learn how to build new and healthy relationships. For help in coping with the aftermath of domestic violence see Emotional and Psychological Trauma.
Child Abuse and Neglect
Warning Signs of Abuse and How to Report It
In the USA, an estimated 906,000 children are victims of abuse & neglect every year, making child abuse as common as it is shocking. Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual, or neglect, the scars can be deep and long-lasting, often leading to future child abuse. You can learn the signs and symptoms of child abuse and help break the cycle, finding out where to get help for the children and their caregivers.